Modesty

We've been teaching BittyBit lately about our standards for dressing and showing her what we consider modest and appropriate and the kinds of things that we don't wear. I know that not everyone believes as we do about this or other issues, so when I teach her something like this, I try to show how important it is to us, but also teach her to have respect for people who believe differently. This can sometimes be a hard concept for a four year old, as they tend to see everything as black and white, right or wrong.

I still remember when we told her that we don't drink coffee or tea. BittyBit was only three at the time and Tyson's mom came over about a week later to watch the kids and brought a cup of coffee with her. Naturally BittyBit wanted some of whatever Grandma had, but when she found out it was coffee she said, "Grandma, you shouldn't drink that, it's bad for you!" I explained to her later that Grandma has different rules in her house and she doesn't know all of the same things that we know, and that Grandma is still a good person whom we love and respect.

Tuesday was St. Patrick's Day and Terrence's birthday (Happy Birthday Terrence). Some of his friends and family met up at The Olive Garden to celebrate his birthday. Tyson and I came along too and brought the kids. When dinner was mostly finished, BittyBit pointed across the table to one of the women, who was wearing a strapless dress, and said very quietly, "That dress is not modest." (I've been working on the pointing thing with her too, which I'll address again after this incident) The sweet gal in the dress didn't hear what she said, but saw her pointing and asked what she needed. BittyBit repeated herself, again very quietly. By this time everyone at the table was looking at us and even though I was glad that our lessons about conservative dress had gotten through to her, I was mortified that she was singling someone else out as an example of inappropriate dress. I had to explain to everyone at the table that we had been discussing what kind of things were appropriate for little girls to wear and BittyBit knew that she wasn't supposed to wear a dress that didn't have straps. Everyone thought it was cute, and the gal in the dress put on a sweater so that she could set a good example for my kids, but now I'm going to have to have the discussion on tact with my four year old again.

Last fall Tyson and I went to several stores to hit the clearance racks and stock up on some new clothes, including church clothes for the kids. It can be difficult to find dresses for little girls that are not sleeveless. We found a dress that was very cute and on sale, but it was sleeveless. I wanted to buy the little black sweater that was sold separately, but Tyson didn't want to shell out the extra money for the sweater, which was not on sale. We had a brief discussion about when we would start teaching the kids about how we want them to dress, and he basically voted for later as he thought she was too young to understand or remember. Since then we have begun to teach her about how we want her to dress now and when she is older. Often she'll ask, "Mom, are these clothes modest?", and then we'll discuss it and explain why they are or aren't.

She had already realized that her favorite dress of all (the sleeveless one we bought last fall) is not modest according to what we have taught her. I told her that I was sorry that I had bought an immodest dress and that I would make sure that all of the dresses that we bought in the future were in line with our standards. Tonight in the car she said, "Mom, I realize that my polka dot dress is not modest, so I'm not going to wear it anymore, even though it is my favorite." I told her that I can buy a sweater for her to wear over it and she thought that was a great idea. I can't tell you how proud I am of that kid for internalizing something that we taught her and making her own decision.